Issue 86, 27th June 2007 
 WORLD NEWS
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U.S. Military Reports 75% of Defense Shields in Iraq
Now Destroyed or Disabled

By Lee Camp

BAGHDAD, Iraq – Although stories of success in Iraq have been few and far between for the U.S. military, General David Petraeus, the head commander on the ground, proudly stated Monday that American forces have successfully destroyed or disabled 75% of the defence shields which Al Quaeda could have used.
Petraeus said, "It's quite an achievement to break through their defenses like that. Their entire human shield infrastructure is disabled and on the verge of collapse."
With the vast majority of human shields now crippled, insurgents will likely be forced to use already-dead human shields, which are not nearly as effective against 3,000 pound U.S. missiles.
When asked how the mission was accomplished, Petraeus said, "Well, finding the human shields was fairly easy. Many of them were grouped outside insurgent strongholds, and the remainder were walking through town markets or sitting in schoolhouses. It was immediately evident that they were probable future human shields by the looks of innocence on their faces. They were really playing it up."


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