Congress Finally Agrees On How Many More Soldiers Need To Die Before Bringing Them Home – 2,562
By Lee Camp
WASHINGTON DC – Democrats and Republicans in both houses of Congress finally came together Tuesday and agreed on how many more U.S. soldiers need to lose their lives before the war in Iraq is ended. That number according to a new bill is 2,562.
Democrat Harry Reid and Republican Mitch McConnell stood side by side on the steps of Congress to declare the two parties had settled on an exact number following weeks of stalemate.
Reid said, "We've been continually asked by peace activists how many more of our boys and girls need to give their lives for a senseless and unjustified war in a far-off country. The number 2,562 came from weeks of careful calculations, and we're pretty certain it's correct. Once that many more troops have given their lives, we can bring them home."
Following the statement a reporter asked the congressmen how many more families needed to be ruined by the loss of their loved one. Senator McConnell said, "Well, that's a little more complicated. We've got countless mathematicians crunching numbers, and it will likely depend on the definition of 'ruined.' I mean, if a soldier loses a limb, does that really 'ruin' a family? Probably not unless he was a professional athlete or renowned pianist."
Internal sources within the Pentagon suggest that the figure - 2,562 comes simply from the fact that there have so far been 3,438 US troop deaths, and that once there have been another 2,562 it will make 6,000 - "a nice round number".
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