Congress Agrees On How Many More Soldiers Need To Die Before Bringing Them Home – 2,562 WASHINGTON DC – Democrats and Republicans in both houses of Congress finally came together Tuesday and agreed on how many more U.S. soldiers need to lose their lives before the war in Iraq is ended. That number according to a new bill is exactly 2,562...>>> TiVo Refuses To Comply With Man's TV Choices SEATTLE, WA – TiVo absolutely refused to record area man Walter Swum's television programs Monday night. The 40 year-old had to work a night shift that evening and left TiVo in charge of recording "According To Jim," "Mind of Mencia," "MTV's My Super Sweet 16," and "Dancing With The Stars." When he returned, none of the shows had been recorded and the TV screen was flashing "Take my life. I can't watch anymore of this shit...>>> While Cleaning Out Desk, Wolfowitz Pockets 3 Legal Pads, Economy Of Nigeria Paul Wolfowitz resigned Thursday as President of the World Bank following a scandal in which he arranged a job and pay raise for his girlfriend. He agreed to step down after weeks of hearings in which he denied wrongdoing. Although many thought this would end the entire ugly chain of events, it now appears that while cleaning out his desk Wolfowitz stealthily helped himself to three brand new office legal pads as well as the entire economy of Nigeria....>>> Amnesty International Report Highlights Worsening Conditions For Paris Hilton Brussels - Amnesty International, the renowned human rights group, has slammed the actions of the Los Angeles County judicial system, stating that making Paris Hilton suffer through a jail term "Constitutes a blatant violation of celebrity human rights". The report calls on Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon her pre-emptively, "before the junkies and crack ho's get a chance to tear her hair out and bang her head against the prison?s concrete walls."...>>> New Species of Marsupial Discovered, Wiped Out JUNO, ALASKA – A never-before-seen species of marsupial was discovered in Alaska, of all places. What is being called the polar wombat was found by hunters several miles outside the Alaskan capital; the adorable and majestic animal was then quickly wiped out by oil pipeline workers...>>> God Aggravated By Accuracy of Meteorologist RALEIGH, NC – The Lord Almighty was frustrated Monday by the accuracy of News 14 meteorologist Chad Lexer...>>> Meteorologist Fails To Predict Four Consecutive Lightning Strikes To Face RALEIGH, NC – Local News 14 weatherman Chad Lexer did not correctly predict the four lightning strikes to his face during Tuesday night's weather report....>>> Iraqi Government Close To Establishing Control Over Green Zone BAGHDAD (Reuters) - A leading British think-tank says it is near to controlling the situation within the Green Zone...>>>
