Woman Eating Mango Fears Possible Violation Of Patriot Act
By Lee Camp
SHAVRE de GRACE, MD - Fifty-two year-old Bingo caller Erika Spreken partook in a mango for the first time she can remember Monday. Although she says the flavorful fruit was delicious, she did not enjoy the experience because she couldn't shake the possibility she was violating the U.S. Patriot Act.
Spreken stated, "I know that a lot of foreign things are illegal now, but I'm not sure if mangos are on the list. My friend, Betsy, told me the list definitely includes star fruits, Swiss cheese, boomerangs, and brown people. I was terrified the whole time I was eating the buttery citrus fruit. I just don't know what I'd do if our government tortured me. I'm a good Christian lady, and I'm not really be prepared for that."
Spreken said she had a similar fear every time she voted for Sanjaya on "American Idol."
No one from the Pentagon was willing to go on record, but high level employees confirmed that though eating mangos is currently authorized, mango possession is indeed a violation of the Patriot Act.
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