As Democrats Gain Popularity, Christian Right Fears Apocalypse Slipping Away WASHINGTON – A large group of Christian Right leaders visited Washington D.C. Monday to relay to the President their fear that the chance for worldwide doom is passing them by. They stated that the worry largely stems from Bush's continued failure to achieve many of his most disastrous goals. The far right, agreed that the all-out chaos in Iraq was a good start to bringing about the End of Days, are now worried that Democratic candidates are looking good for 2008..... >>> Gideon's Bible Disturbed By Noises Heard Outside Nightstand Drawer WICHITA, KS - Monday a Gideon's bible was terribly disturbed by the noises it heard outside the Comfort Inn hotel room drawer in which it resides. The holy book said it lives in the nightstand drawer of room 212 at the hotel and Monday night heard "disgusting, sinful noises and moans along with incessant headboard banging." ...>>> Virginia Tech Massacre: The NRA Begins Healing Process Fairfax, Virginia - A shocked and deeply disturbed National Rifle Association joined a shocked and deeply disturbed President Bush in expressing their sincerest condolences to the families of Virginia Tech University, as well as all NRA members affected by the campus rampage. "The victims of this horrible tragedy also include law-abiding registered gun owners and gun lovers," stated NRA CEO Wayne La Pierre. "Let the healing process begin," he continued. "Let us come together and hold hands - using the hand that's not holding the gun."...>>> Couple Returning From Nudist Vacation Can't Believe They Got Sand In There SEATTLE - Martin and Juliet Weir returned from a vacation to a nude beach resort in St. Maarten and were stunned that they got sand stuck up in there. Mr. Weir said, "Not just sand but seaweed and shells! It's like I brought half the resort home with me in there."...>>> Eltsin Jumps Up And Dances Drunken Frug At Own Funeral MOSCOW - Former Russian President Boris Yeltsin has managed to be an embarrassment even in death. As his body lay in state at the Cathedral of Christ the Savior an admirer came forth and sprinkled Yeltsin's corpse with a liberal splash of Yeltsinskaya a local peasant brew of vodka which is known to be very potent....>>>
