America Declares Victory In Secret Global Eating Contest
By Lee Camp
NEW YORK – The United States chose the floor of the United Nations as the venue to announce its victory in an unannounced planet-wide eating competition that has been going on since 1982. Over the past 25 years America has achieved impressive obesity, putting most other countries to shame. The average super-size fast food meal in the U.S. is actually bigger than the average adult in most third world countries.
U.N. ambassador John Bolton stood in front of the other ambassadors and said, "We kicked your asses! How many hot dogs did you all take down this morning? Probably 10 or 12 combined. I alone stuffed 37 into my vacuous face-hole for breakfast. You skinny little bastards are pathetic! Your countries haven't even invented fried Oreos yet. We throw away more food than your country eats. So we're clearly the. We're number one! You can kiss our love handles!"
The other countries sheepishly conceded defeat and went back to their bowls of Muesli.
What do you think?? Tell us your views here!
<<< back
