Toxic Pet Food Was Meant For Elderly
By Alan Lord
Washington,DC - During the three months that contaminated pet food was sold in the United States, there was a 50 percent decrease in kidney failure among old people across retirement communities nationwide.
It turns out that the toxic food that poisoned up to 39,000 innocent animals was in fact destined for the elderly who clog up the Social Security system by living too damn long.
“My poor darling Pooka’s dead,” sobbed 3rd grade teacher Clara Mooney, “and my nagging, cranky 90-year-old mother-in-law is still alive, going on and on about how she should have married Guy Lombardo in 1940 instead of my dear old dad, God rest his soul. It’s just not fair!
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