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US Deploys Secret Weapon In France
By Justine Doody
BIGfib has learned from a highly placed intelligence source that the US are set to make good on their threat to "neutralize" Iraq war dissenter Jacques Chirac.
On 29 September, the US government authorised the use of the most recent development from their biological weapons programme.
The MOAB - "Mother of All Bushes" - was deployed in Paris that same day.
The sophistication of the latest US weapon is such that it can be mistaken at a distance for a human female, marking a huge improvement on earlier models such as the GWBush, which were criticised for their simian features and unconvincing speech patterns. The MOAB is armed with ricin, sarin nerve agent and bad hair, exposure to any of which would almost certainly prove lethal to the French Premier.
At the Labour Party Conference British PM Tony Blair denied that Britain has plans to develop a similar biological weapons programme. However, it is rumoured that UN weapons inspectors are very eager to investigate the high pitched frequencies being emitted by the PM's "wife", Cherie Blair.
The MOAB is scheduled to next see use against US detractor Vladimir Putin; however, leading Putin expert J.K. Rowling remains convinced that the Russian President will see off the American threat with his loveable clumsiness, his innate cunning and his animatronic circuitry.
See also : Israel "may" kill Yasser Arafat, USA "may" kill Jacques Chirac
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