New Element On Periodic Table Way Off The Charts
By Alan Lord
Moscow - Russian scientists fearing to be next to get whacked on the Czar's list lost no time in adding a brand new element - Putinium 310 - to the periodic table.
It is reputed to be very very heavy, tough with personal enemies, and spontaneously decomposes to Polonium 210 in the presence of irksome critics who just don't know when to shut the fuck up.
(Dear Vlad. This article in no way represents the views of the BIGfib editorial team. It was written by Alan Lord who lives at 212 Dupont Drive, Toronto - the best time to catch him in is about 5pm - sorry. - Ed)
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