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Iraq To Be Separated Into 26,783,383 Smaller Countries
By Lee Camp
WASHINGTON – President Bush laid out his new path for Iraq today. He said it entails breaking Iraq into 26,783,383 smaller countries, which works out to one country for each man, woman and child living there today (though that number is steadily decreasing thanks to explosions). Bush said each person will have their own government and share of the natural resources. The President said, "We've done the math, and each person, or should I say 'country,' will be given a third of a gallon of oil a month to do with as they see fit. And if someone gets killed, that means their country failed, and it was probably due to their poor job governing. Point being, this should make everyone happy."
Experts on the Middle East agree that Bush's new plan should pretty much make everyone unhappy. Jim McFeely, a professor of Middle Eastern Studies at Yale said, "Well, instead of having three warring sects, we will now have 26 Million. …Yeah, that should pretty much calm things down. Plus, every country is able to make their own laws. So I imagine that at least 10 million of the new countries will decide that robbery is completely legal or that stealing a goat is punishable by death. It should all go swimmingly." It should be noted that we detected a bit of sarcasm in McFeely's voice.
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