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Wal-Mart Tests First Nuclear Weapon
By Lee Camp
BENTONVILLE, AR – Superstore Wal-Mart tested its first nuclear weapon this past Monday, December 25th at its headquarters in Arkansas. Vibrations were felt as far as 20 miles away. The Bush Administration put out a statement claiming it is actively involved in six-party talks to get Wal-Mart to cease its nuclear ambitions, but clearly Wal-Mart will do what Wal-Mart feels like doing. The other parties participating in the talks are Iran (Wal-Mart's closest ally), Syria, Disney World, and 50 Cent. The White House says they brought 50 Cent to the table simply because he's large, scary, and the higher-ups at Wal-Mart are intimidated by Black people.
Many fear that Wal-Mart's aspirations do not end with a nuclear arsenal. They claim the mega-store will not be content until it rules at least the western hemisphere. These assertions seem bolstered by the fact that last month Wal-Mart bought West Virginia, Kentucky, and violently captured Tennessee . It has combined the three into one large state named "Bow Down To The Almighty Wal-Mart. I Am Your Master."
Quick fun fact: The state flower of Bow Down To The Almighty Wal-Mart. I Am Your Master is the Chrysanthemum!
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