Issue 75, 5th Jan 2007

Wal-Mart Tests First Nuclear Weapon
PENTONVILLE, AR – Superstore Wal-Mart tested its first nuclear weapon this past Monday, December 25th at its headquarters in Arkansas. Vibrations were felt as far as 20 miles away. The Bush Administration put out a statement claiming it is actively involved in six-party talks to get Wal-Mart to cease its nuclear ambitions...>>>

Dead Prez Ford Honored Across Us
Washington - The Washington Post has renamed its Sports section the ‘Gerald Ford Page’, in honor of the late president’s habit of turning to that section first when picking up the morning paper...>>>

Saddam's Execution Signifies Arrival of Democracy to Iraq
A spokesman for president Nouri al-Maliki expressed confidence that "the execution of Saddam Hussein is a true test of Iraq's commitment to democracy, human rights and justice. By hanging him," the spokesman added,  "we showed the world that Saddam is finally dead and democracy has been born. We are proud to join the ranks of other democracies like Saudi Arabia, Iran, Zimbabwe, Belorussia, Singapore and the United States where the death penalty rings free." >>>

Saddam Hussein Checks In At Hell Hilton
Hell – It has been confirmed that Saddam Hussein has indeed gone straight to hell, as per his Shiite tormentors’ admonitions while placing a noose around his neck...>>>

Pat Robertson Duped By Allah 
Claiming God spoke to him, US Televangelist Pat Robertson predicted there would be a terrorist attack that would result in "mass killing" in the United States in late 2007. Pressed for more details, Robertson added that he was told the precise location, date, and time of the next 9/11, including the method (a dirty bomb using Strontium 90) as well as the names of several key Al Qaeda operatives involved in the plot. The supposed target is to be America’s den of decadent debauchery - Las Vegas, Nevada. >>>

Editorial By Lee Camp
President Ford and Revisionist History
All this damn revisionist history every time a famous person dies. Any time someone dies, they act like he or she cured cancer. It could be Mr. T – the reporters would be saying, "The T Man carried a scared nation through the difficult times of the early 80's. He showed us what it was to live, love, laugh, and pity the fool."
But past Presidents are the worst... >>>

Nancy Pelosi Promises New Era Of Bipartisanship

From Lolo Laroche in Washington DC

Wrestling the gavel from John Boehner's steely grip, Nancy Pelosi yesterday promised a new era of Bipatisanship and promised to work in a fair and Bipartisan way with the Republican president George W. Bush in order to undo as many of his fuckups as possible as fast as is humanly possible.
"The Republicans have fucked up in Iraq," Pelosi told assembled house members, "They have fucked up the economy, and they have fucked up America. Today, the Democrat party assumes the challenge of working with the Republicans in a Bipartisan way to correct those fuckups, and we don't have 100 years, or 100 days to do so. The fuckups need to stop in the first 100 hours."

John Boehner, the exiting Republican speaker, also recognized the historic nature of the occasion, and sounded the same theme of bipartisanship.
"Today, the Democrat party assumes the challenge and opportunity of majority power in the people's house," he said. "Republicans will work,  just as hard as the incoming Democrats, in the same Bipartisan manner to make sure that the Democrats are able to change absolutely nothing - and I guarantee that. We will not let them end the war in Iraq, reduce the deficit, or help the poor. Of these things let all Americans be reassured."...>>>

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