PM Brown Promises To Be Everything PM Blair Was And More Gordon Brown, tipped to replace Tony Blair as premier, was this week trying to reassure critics of his capabilities to lead the country... >>>
Major Gay Terror Threat Averted" The U.S. army recently averted a national security threat when they dismissed nine linguists discovered to be gay. Six of the linguists specialized in Arabic translation, a programmatic gap that the army has been desperately seeking to fill. But General Peter Schoomaker, the Army's chief of staff agreed with the decision, saying "Having a gay Arabic translator is a lot more dangerous than having no Arabic translators. ...>>>
John Mark Karr: “I Built Austrian Sex Slave Dungeon!” Los Angeles – Although erstwhile Jon Benet Ramsey abductor and killer John Mark Karr finally confessed to making the whole thing up to attract publicity and a possible book/movie deal, he still managed to throw in a last-minute shocker... >>> Ahmadinejad Challenges Bush To Gitmo Survivor Show Tehran – Dropping plans for a one-on-one debate with US President Bush at the U.N., deeming it “typical pampered westerner kinderkarten child’s play”, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today challenged Bush to a “Survivor” style competition to be held at Cuba’s Guantanamo compound...>>> US Terror Alert Stepped Up To New Highest Level: Election-Time Purple The US Terror Alert System was increased to a new highest level Monday. It was stepped up to what Homeland Security officials are calling "election-time purple," which is even higher than the previous greatest threat color of "red." >>> White House Insists Iraq Involved In 'Very' Civil War" WASHINGTON DC – Today during a White House press conference, the Bush Administration insisted that things are not that bad in Iraq because Iraq is in the midst of a "very civil" war. White House Press Secretary Tony Snow kept saying "it's the most civil of wars." >>> After DUI Charge, Paris Hilton Insists She Doesn't Drive Her Own Car LOS ANGELES – Paris Hilton was stopped for driving under the influence Tuesday, and she is now claiming that she's not guilty because she doesn't drive her own car. A publicist for the talentless star put out a statement Thursday, which read, "Paris does not drive her own car just like she doesn't write her own songs... >>>
London – While MI6 has made considerable progress infiltrating operatives into such terrorist organizations as Hamas and Hezbollah, in a report obtained secretly MI6 states that it is still confounded in attempts to decipher the symbols contained on the Hezbollah flag itself. An excerpt from the report reads: “... apart from the obvious arm holding aloft an AK-47, the rest of the flag is still hazy and hard to decipher. To the right of the AK-47 arm, some see a mouse balancing a beach ball on its head...>>>
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President Redefines Torture
President Bush redefined torture Thursday. He stated that torture is "being stuck with an ignorant bumbling faux-redneck as your leader for six straight years with two more years to come." And he went on, "Torture is also having smarter heartless criminals behind that leader who are telling him to bomb first and ask questions later and to rig the economy to benefit the top one percent of the population."...>>>
Blair & Rumsfeld Step Down, Replace Each Other
England's Prime Minister Tony Blair and U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld finally agreed to step down after several months in which millions of people called for their respective resignations due to respective disastrous jobs and approval ratings. >>>
