Issue 66, 8th May 2006

Americans Sneak Across Border To Mexico, Steal All High-Paying Jobs
TEXAS – Immigration continues to be a problem in the U.S., but now it's also an issue in Mexico. Wealthy Americans are pouring over the border in the thousands in order to steal all the high-paying jobs in Central America. >>>

Congress Presents Car Powered Entirely By Hypocrisy
WASHINGTON DC – With US gas prices souring, Congress has finally come together with a solution – A new automobile powered entirely by the hypocrisy of the congress. Apparently House Speaker Dennis Hastert got the idea after he was photographed secretly switching from a hybrid photo-op vehicle to his regular gas-guzzling SUV. >>>

Keith Richards Falls Out of Tree, Lands in Pile of Coke
AUCKLAND, New Zealand - ROLLING Stone Keith Richards is due to have his brain examined after falling from a palm tree. Lucky for the sexagenarian coconut aficionado, his fall was broken by a pile of cocaine being shovelled by roadies poolside. >>>

Bill Gates: I don't want to be world's richest man
The Microsoft founder and multi billionaire Bill Gates revealed this week his distaste for the $50bn fortune he has amassed.
“I wish I wasn't ... There's nothing good that comes out of that," the co-founder of Microsoft told a conference of online advertising executives in Redmond, Washington, where the software company has its headquarters.>>>

Bush Cracks Up After Figuring Out Stephen Colbert's Jokes Eight Days Later
WASHINGTON DC – During Stephen Colbert's now infamous roast of President Bush, the President himself seemed rather displeased. He rarely laughed at Colbert's harsh yet clever sarcastic comments about the President. However, it has now come out that Bush yesterday suddenly fell to ground in fits of laughter in the middle of a graduation speech he was giving at Oklahoma State. >>>

Sudan Passes No Child Left Alive Act
DARFUR, Sudan – Going against the urging of President Bush and the UN, the government of Sudan passed the No Child Left Alive Act Friday in order to ensure that the genocide continues at a steady pace. All five rebel factions agreed with the act wholeheartedly. It's the first piece of legislation that the rebel groups and the government have agreed on. >>>

A Day Without Tortillas
Los Angeles – Traders in the know say that the Tortilla Futures market, which was already softening up, has been permanently flattened in the wake of the recent Latino Immigration flap. >>>

You're Crap but You Can Stay
- French Version Of
The Apprentice To Launch

Following the success of the US and UK versions of The Apprentice, where 10 employees compete for the top job with a six figure salary, French TV channel TF1 announced that it is recording a French version.

The first series of the US version showed Donald Trump whittling down the candidates through terrifying one-day challenges, and made Your’e Fired! a catchphrase. The series was so successful that Martha Stewart is currently recording the second series.

Similarly the UK version with Entrepreneur, Sir Alan Sugar, has made menacing finger pointing and the words, “You’re a lightweight, you’re fired!” the UK’s favourite words.

To represent France’s cultural differences from the Anglo-Saxon business model, the format of the French program has been somewhat modified.

PREVIOUS ISSUES