Issue 6, Friday August 29th 2003

Millions can't remember 192 numbers
A study released today by Oftel, the UK telecommunications regulation board claims that 99,9% of UK phone subscribers are unable to remember the thirteen different numbers all beginning with 118 which this week replaced the previously monopolistic 192 enquiries number.>>>

Hutton Enquiry: source of 45 minute claim revealed.
The Hutton enquiry into the death of governement scientist David Kelly who committed "suicide" in mysterious circumstances, today discovered the origin of the now infamous “45-second" warning that Iraq could use chemical weapons within 45 minutes.>>>

Microsoft brings new hope to Mac users
A new survey released by Microsoft's public appreciation division today shows that as the stream of security flaws and virus attacks affecting Windows PC becomes a torrent, Mac users have been feeling really left out. >>>

Phone driving-ban "tip of the iceberg"
A ban on the use of mobile phones whilst driving, to be implemented in the UK from the 1st of December, is only the "tip of the iceberg" the UK Secretary of State for Transport Alistair Darling MP admitted yesterday.
>>>

"Coalition" now in favour of UN in Iraq
President George Bush's top advisers are now said to be in favour of increased UN involvement in Iraq.
"I think we've seen a big change since the UN headquarters was bombed." Jack Straw, UK foreign secretary told BIGfib. >>>

Schwarzenegger a "good governor" - Bush

The world heaved a sigh of relief today when George Bush told reporters that he thought Arnold Swarzenegger would make a good governor.

Bush, self-proclaimed custodian of moral values and champion of the environment and the oppressed throughout the free world said that though there are a number of good candidates "Arnie and I are very similar... We see eye to eye on pretty much everything."

Californian Republicans are seeking to "recall" the previously elected Democrat candidate who they claim has increased the budget deficit and failed to address energy policy resulting in electricity blackouts.

They believe that while nationally Republican policy has also increased the deficit and failed to prevent blackouts they could do a much better job in California.

British look to robot technology for Blair replacement >>>

NHS to standardise body parts and corrective surgery >>>

UK government caves in to pressure over wind power >>>

James Koffi from Lome Togo still hasn’t found a partner in crime >>>

Environmental Protection Agency changes name to fit new role >>>

BBC and Sky fight it out in Edinburgh >>>

More news from Satiresearch >>>

PREVIOUS ISSUES

Issue 5 : 01/08/03 Issue 4 : 11/07/03 Issue 3 : 27/06/03 Issue 2 : 13/06/03 Issue 1 : 30/05/03

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A new era of fairness in corporate America
Limits on directors' pay among 78 recommendations to avoid a repeat of WorldCom abuses.

WorldCom, the largest corporate failure in America's history, should cap its directors' pay at $15m, give shareholders more power and bolster its board after the $11bn accounting fraud that drove the telecommunications company to its knees, a United States court investigator recommended yesterday. >>>