|
|
|
|
 |
WORLD NEWS |
|
BIGfib Books |
|
 CNN Releases Mathematical Equation Justifying Downfall Of Legitimate Journalism
By Lee Camp
NEW YORK – CNN and other U.S. news sources have come under fire for their recent 24-hour, non-stop, make-your-ears-bleed coverage of the mining "disaster" in West Virginia while stories such as the landslides in Indonesia went unmentioned.
In response CNN has revealed a mathematical equation which clearly shows that when it comes to television news, a US miner's life is worth no less than 100 Indonesian lives. This ratio can reach 1 to 1,000 if the miners in question left sentimental goodbye notes just before dying.
The equation further demonstrates that a kidnapped American female is worth at least 1,473.4 missing Sudanese. If the female is really hot, then she's worth an entire African country.
As an example, CNN demonstrates that if Natalie Holloway had gone missing in Aruba on the same day that two-thirds of Madagascar disappeared under the ocean, then Natalie would get mentioned 1,479 times more on the news.
If you got that example problem wrong, you may have underestimated the “really hot” factor for Natalie.
The equation also explains news coverage during the New Orleans catastrophe.
50,000 black people pleading for help is, CNN shows, equivalent to only one celebrity marriage, pregnancy, birth, or divorce. That is why the disaster in New Orleans was newsworthy only until Nick and Jessica Simpson separated. When Nick and Jess broke up, U.S. news channels simply consulted the mathematical chart and discovered that New Orleans no longer deserved coverage (and/or sympathy).
Other noteworthy statistical facts revealed include: 1,253 tortured Chinese = 1 school bus tipping over in a ditch. 1,000,000,740 sick and dying Eastern Europeans = 1 pregnant panda. 1 assassinated foreign President = 2 ballet dancing puppies (unless it’s France in which case only 1 ballet dancing puppy). 1 nuclear catastrophe erasing Asia = just about any event to do with Michael Jackson.
What do you think?? Tell us your views here!
<<< back
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
