Tom Delay Steps Down To Spend More Time With His Crime Family
By Lee Camp
WASHINGTON D.C. – Former House majority leader Tom Delay has officially stepped down from his top position. He was forced to relinquish his spot as majority leader after being indicted for accepting illegal corporate contributions.
Delay made the announcement he was stepping down Thursday, saying that he needed to spend more time with his crime family. He said, "They need me, and I haven't been giving them enough love recently. I have four beautiful dirty accountants who need me, not to mention my three gorgeous corrupt lobbyists who hardly even recognize me anymore. Plus, I can't help but partially blame myself for lobbyist Jack Abramoff's indictment. If only I had given him more quality time, we could've kept that whole scandal hidden. Right now, my crime family needs me more than Washington."
Delay stopped short of saying whether he would join his crime family in jail in the coming months.
