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Egyptian President Tries New Campaign Strategy:
Beating, Killing Opposition
By Lee Camp
CAIRO, EGYPT – It looks like Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak will win yet another term in office with the help of a groundbreaking new campaign strategy.
The strategy, beating and killing anybody who plans to vote for the opposition, worked like a charm in the elections held this week. Many political insiders thought Mubarak would try a different strategy, such as negative advertisements or grassroots fundraising, but instead he and his team figured out that terrorizing the opposition with sticks, guns, and teargas would have a greater effect.
Mubarak said Wednesday, "Sure enough, people appreciated my pro-teargas policy and chose not to vote against me after all. I must admit, at first I did not like this new democracy thing. But now I see it is not so bad once you learn how to use it. President Bush told me to get fake voting machines, but I believe that would be dishonest. I am always honest with my people: If I do not like you, I teargas and pummel you. No hard feelings."
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