Issue 57, 12th Dec 2005 
 World News  Headline
 BIGfib BOOKS

U.S. Proves It's Safe From People Who Loudly Announce Bomb On Plane
MIAMI, FL – The United States proved it is truly safe from people who board planes while loudly exclaiming that they have a bomb.
Mentally ill man Rigoberto Alpizar was shot and killed by air marshals Wednesday while boarding a flight in Miami. >>>

Martha Stewart Launches New Xmas "Bird-Flu" Cookbook
MARYLAND - In an advance move designed to thwart the economic impact of an imminent world-wide Avian Flu pandemic, Martha Stewart has published The Martha Stewart Bird Flu Cookbook, in which the forward-thinking Pantry Diva serves up countless ways to transform a moribund fowl into dinner.>>>

Tony Blair Announces Xmas Gift
To Brit Family
Tony Blair today announced what this year’s Christmas gift to the Brit family would be. “I have thought long and hard about what they really need,” Blair announced from the steps of 10 Downing Street.
“Christmas gifts are always hard, crumbs, you know, sometimes I have trouble finding something for Cherie, so you can guess that finding a personal gift for a family of 60 Million people was a tough one.” >>>

Looking for holiday gifts?
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Liberals Reveal Long-Awaited Plot To Off Santa, Have Gay Sex With Easter Bunny
According to the Fox News anchor John Gibson's new book The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought, the liberals have finally dealt their hand, revealing their plot to murder Santa and have marathon gay sex with the Easter Bunny. >>>

Ben Affleck & Jen Garner Film Baby's Birth, Goes Straight To DVD
LOS ANGELES – Actors Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner had their baby last week, and the film of that birth went straight to DVD according to sources close to the couple. >>>

Egyptian President Tries New Campaign Strategy: Beating, Killing Opposition
CAIRO, EGYPT – It looks like Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak will win yet another term in office with the help of a groundbreaking new campaign strategy. The strategy, beating and killing anybody who plans to vote for the opposition, worked like a charm in the elections held this week.>>>
Xmas Lights Surprisingly Absent In New Orleans


With Christmas almost here, one thing stands out about the hurricane-shattered city of New Orleans: The lack of Christmas lights on and around the destroyed homes. There are many possible reasons for this lack of holiday atmosphere, but the most likely is that the citizens of New Orleans are too self-absorbed to put up their lights this year. Clearly they're too busy dwelling on spilt milk to spread the holiday cheer for others. Well, I have this question for the Big Easy: The rest of the country has moved on, why can't you? We're all quickly forgetting there ever was a Hurricane Katrina, why can't you? Our government has already moved on to dealing with more important matters, such as bridges in Alaska. So why can't you?
There is certainly no lack of objects in the city on which to attach the festive lights – jagged pieces of wood, ruined vehicles of all sorts, and deserted houses abound. So why no holiday cheer Big Easy? Are you all still emotionally caught up in that hurricane/ flood/ apocalyptic destruction thing? We all know FEMA took care of your every waking need, so stop whining. I and millions of other Americans gave upwards of 80 cents apiece to help you and your city rebuild. And do you use it properly and spread the goodwill feeling of Christmas? No. You spoil it on things like food and hotel rooms in cities far from Louisiana.
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