Issue 55, 21st Nov 2005 
 World News  Headline
 BIGfib BOOKS

Parents Protest New Movie 'Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Rum'
The latest movie in the Harry Potter franchise has just come out in theaters, and parents and many community leaders are even more upset than in previous years. Harry Potter and The Goblet of Rum follows Harry and his friends as they discover alcohol, sex, and the magical world of hallucinogenic drugs.>>>

French Develop Flameproof Car
Paris French automaker Renault has unveiled a new fireproof car designed to frustrate the masses of unemployed youths that for weeks have been lighting “Carbecues” across France. >>>

After Police Woman's Death, Brits Demand US Style Everything
In the wake of the fatal shooting of a female officer in Bradford England, a renewed bout of letters and phone-calls are inundating the nation's newspapers and phone-ins calling for the UK police to be armed, for the death penalty to be restored, and for private citizens to be able to carry arms.>>>

Sony Say XCP Should Have Been Safe - Will Replace Celine Dion & Bette Midler CDs
After much criticism that Sony BMG Music Entertainment's "XCP" anti-piracy software leaves consumers of their music open to hackers, the company has stated that it will stop production of CDs with the technology and offer free replacement CD's to anyone that wants them.>>>

Sex & Coke In Future Independent Quebec
MONTREAL - The separatist Parti Quebecois this week elected a new leader - André Boisclair, a gay former minister. Unscathed by criticism of his past cocaine use while minister, Boisclair is putting sex, drugs and independence squarely on the political agenda in the hope that it will sweep him to power.
>>>

Cheney Observes Hussein - Learns How To Delay Trial
WASHINGTON – Anonymous White House sources have revealed that Vice President Cheney has been watching Sadam Hussein's trial closely to learn how to delay any future courtroom proceedings. Cheney's former Chief of Staff Scooter Libby was indicted for perjury this month, and Cheney will be forced to testify at the trial, perhaps implicating himself in the scandal. Sources say the V.P. has therefore been looking for a way to ruin or prolong Libby's trial, and he has found the solution from his old friend and colleague Sadam Hussein, former arms customer of the U.S. turned evil enemy. >>>

French Rioters To Be Shipped To
New Orleans
NEW ORLEANS – French President Jacques Chirac reported Tuesday that the French military will begin this week shipping all rioters to New Orleans, the United States city that was destroyed by Hurricane Katrina and has yet to regain any semblance of a functioning community. >>>
Pope Benedict, Britney Spears The Dalai Lama & Kim Jong II Condemn BIGfib Book Of Bollocks


VATICAN - Benedict XVI took the unusual step today of condemning The BIGfib Book Of Bollocks as a “pack of blasphemous lies."
"That the authorities have allowed such a disgraceful and insulting book to be published is an absolute disgrace,” he told BIGfib’s Lolo Laroche.

"burn a copy"
“Catholics should buy a copy immediately There is nothing of any truth whatsoever inside this book,” he continued, “And I urge all Catholics to buy and burn a copy immediately. This is the work of the Devil and it must not get into the hands of the innocents.”
Other calls to burn the book came from Britney Spears, Kim Jong II and the Dalai Lama who appeared together on national TV to urge people to buy and destroy copies of the holiday bestseller, “The BIGfib Book Of Bollocks.”

"Old Slapper" - Britney Spears
“They say some terrible things,” Spears told journalists. “Like I’m fat and that I’m an old slapper... These things aren’t true and I urge everyone to give me a really lovely Christmas gift by buying a copy of this book and burning it.”
BIGfib’s Lolo Laroche was present, and asked Britney why she was so worried about a book that clearly states that it is a work of satirical fiction.”
“I don’t wanna talk about sex here,” Britney replied.
Lolo - “I’m sorry, who mentioned sex?”
Britney shakes her head in disbelief.
“Hey. I know what Friction means OK?”

“Outrageous - Dalai Lama” >>>
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