Issue 53, 18th Oct 2005 
 World News  Headline
 BIGfib BOOKS

Bush Places 'Don't Blame Me - I Voted Kerry!' Sticker On Air Force One
WASHINGTON D.C. – Tuesday, just before the President flew from Washington to New Orleans, a bumper sticker was spotted on the side of his personal jet that read, "Don't Blame Me - I Voted For Kerry!". >>>

Forbes Releases Annual List Of Top Ten Least Bankrupt Airlines
NEW YORK – Forbes magazine released their list of Top Ten Least Bankrupt Airlines this week.
At the top of the list is Delta Airlines, which just filed for Chapter 9 bankruptcy and apparently has enough money to keep operating for at least a year. >>>

GOP Only One Indictment Away From Triple Crown
WASHINGTON D.C. – With former House majority leader Tom Delay facing two indictments for money laundering and conspiracy and Senate majority leader Bill Frist soon to be indicted for insider trading, the Republican party could wrap up the coveted Corruption Triple Crown if White House Chief of Staff Karl Rove gets indicted for his role in outing an undercover CIA operative. >>>

Iran Linked To Unfavourable Blair Polls
England - British Prime Minister Tony Blair says evidence indicates an Iranian link to the drop of his popularity in opinion polls across Britain, although Downing Street does not have definite proof yet. >>>

Bush: Military May Fight Iraq With Bird Flu
Critics say battling insurgents with Avian Flu would be “genocide”.
WASHINGTON — President Bush, stirring debate on the worrisome military potential of a bird flu pandemic, suggested American troops could use the killer virus to wipe out insurgents in Iraq. >>>

Mayor Of New Orleans Announces Payoffs
WASHINGTON — President Bush, stirring debate on the worrisome military potential of a bird flu pandemic, suggested American troops could use the killer virus to wipe out insurgents in Iraq. >>>

After Years Of Abuse, Earth Abandons Policy Of Appeasement Toward Humans
CORE, EARTH – A representative for the Earth announced Tuesday that the planet has indeed abandoned its policy, maintained for thousands of years, of appeasement toward humans. Following the tsunamis, Hurricanes Katrina & Rita, and now the devastating earthquake in Pakistan, many experts had already hypothesized that the earth was trying a new strategy. >>>
Bush Withdraws Miers, Nominates Larry The Cable Guy For High Court

By Lee Camp

WASHINGTON D.C. – After being criticized by both the left and right for nominating Harriet Miers, President Bush announced Monday that he would withdraw his nomination. He said he now realizes she is not the right woman for the job and is under qualified to be a judge in the highest court in the land.
In her place Bush has nominated Blue Collar Comedy Tour comedian Larry The Cable Guy.

The President said, "Larry is an old friend of mine, and he'll be a damn fine judge. Sure he's never been a judge or a lawyer before, nor has he graduated the fourth grade, but he's an excellent judge of what's funny and that's important. When he does his joke about dreaming of a giant margarita and then finding salt on his toilet bowl, I nearly wet myself every time.”

“And I know he knows the Constitution because his comedy album is titled 'Right To Bare Arms.' You can't get much more qualified than that. Not to mention, the cheesy redneck act has worked for both of us. It's helped him sell albums, and it's helped me trick voters into thinking I give a crap about them."

Mr. Cable Guy says he'll take the position if confirmed on the condition that he gets to bring his dog Flapjack.
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