Bush Withdraws Miers, Nominates Larry The Cable Guy For High Court
By Lee Camp
WASHINGTON D.C. – After being criticized by both the left and right for nominating Harriet Miers, President Bush announced Monday that he would withdraw his nomination. He said he now realizes she is not the right woman for the job and is under qualified to be a judge in the highest court in the land.
In her place Bush has nominated Blue Collar Comedy Tour comedian Larry The Cable Guy.
The President said, "Larry is an old friend of mine, and he'll be a damn fine judge. Sure he's never been a judge or a lawyer before, nor has he graduated the fourth grade, but he's an excellent judge of what's funny and that's important. When he does his joke about dreaming of a giant margarita and then finding salt on his toilet bowl, I nearly wet myself every time.”
“And I know he knows the Constitution because his comedy album is titled 'Right To Bare Arms.' You can't get much more qualified than that. Not to mention, the cheesy redneck act has worked for both of us. It's helped him sell albums, and it's helped me trick voters into thinking I give a crap about them."
Mr. Cable Guy says he'll take the position if confirmed on the condition that he gets to bring his dog Flapjack.
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