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Fanny-Pack Bomber Snubbed By 72 Virgins
EGYPT – The man termed "The Fanny Pack Bomber" who blew himself up with an explosives-filled fanny-pack outside a hotel in Egypt is reportedly being ignored by the 72 virgins he was promised in the afterlife. >>>
 50 Cent Caught Selling Bootlegs Of Own Movie
NEW YORK – Rapper 50 Cent was arrested Saturday for selling bootleg movies out of the back of his stretched Hummer. Police soon discovered that the DVDs were copies of his own movie "Get Rich Or Die Tryin" due to come out this November 9th. Apparently the hustler side of him does not die easy. >>>
Los Angeles Residents Forced To Evacuate To 2nd Beach Homes
LOS ANGELES - After devastating forest fires destroyed thousands of acres around the Los Angeles area, residents living just outside Los Angeles have been forced to flee their homes and take up residence in their secondary or tertiary beach homes. >>>
FBI Accidentally Taps Self, Uncovers Corruption
WASHINGTON D.C. – The Federal Bureau of Investigations admitted that they accidentally tapped their own phones. In a statement, released Monday they state that although the mix-up is embarrassing to the Bureau, it ended up being a positive mishap because they've uncovered many corrupt goings on. >>>
 White House Tired Of Bush Quoting 'Napoleon Dynamite'
WASHINGTON D.C. – According to those close to the White House, nearly everyone in the Bush Administration is sick of listening to the President quote the movie "Napoleon Dynamite."
Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice said recently, "He keeps wandering around going 'It's a liger, bred for its skills in magic,' or 'Tina, come get some ham.'
When he's feeling really clever, he'll say, 'Condie, come get some ham.' He really thinks he's hilarious. It's getting on everyone's nerves."
Even the new White House head chef, Cristeta Comerford, said, "If he says 'Give me some of your tots' one more time, I might punch him in the face." >>>
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Bush Explains “Magic Suit” Criteria In Supreme Court Choice
By Lolo Laroche
George Bush yesterday nominated his former personal lawyer, Harriet Miers, to take the supreme court seat which until now held the balance of power between the court's liberals and conservatives.
The choice of Ms Miers, a long time ally of the president, and an old friend surprised many and drew criticism not only from Democrats but also from the Republican right, causing the President to elaborate on his selection criteria.
“Folks think I just chose Harriet and John Roberts because they are close friends,” Bush told BIGfib’s Lolo Laroche. “In fact we put a lot of potential candidates through a special magical test, and only Harriet and John Passed.”
Pressed on the exact nature of the test, Bush bashfully explained the selection process.
“A guy from Iraq – an old advisor to Saddam Hussein actually, sold me a magical suit of clothes,” he explained.
“Dick Cheney brought them back for me, and the special thing about these clothes is that only like, really clever people can see them.”
“It made the selection process really easy,” Bush explained. “The only people who could see the magical suit were myself, Dick Cheney, Harriet Miers and John Roberts. Everyone else just kinda giggled.”
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