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Judge Roberts Refuses To Reveal Position On Hurricanes
By Lee Camp
During the Senate confirmation hearings of Supreme Court nominee John Roberts Monday, Democrats were infuriated when Roberts refused to take a clear position on just about every question including whether he was for or against cataclysmic hurricanes.
Senator Ted Kennedy at one point raised his voice and demanded, "Damn it, Judge, just tell us whether you enjoy it when thousands of people die due to an enormous hurricane! The memo you wrote in 1985 suggests you really get off from that kind of thing."
Roberts, in his always stoic manner, replied, "I wrote that memo for the Reagan Administration, and it was their position that devastating hurricanes were good for America because they're fun to watch. I wrote the memo on the Reagan Administration's behalf, and it does not reflect my personal feelings on the topic." At that point in the hearing Senator Kennedy angrily pulled out a fifth of bourbon, chugged it, and then relieved himself on Senate Majority Leader Tom Delay.
Judge Roberts also refused to reveal his personal views on abortion, affirmative action, legalized prostitution, cooking, cargo pants, and murdering newborn puppy dogs.
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