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 Seoul : Yes We Have No Nukes!
By Alan Lord
Seoul : South Korean officials have obtained from North Korea the tentative schedule for next week’s negotiations over the dismantling of its nuclear arsenal. The following agenda for next week’s talks are only a rough draft, but nonetheless represents the thinking of North Korea a bit more clearly on this pressing issue.
Monday: Warm applause to greeting of six-nation delegates. Much smiling and polite nodding towards US delegates. For lunch, Kimchi and Fearless Leader beer. After lunch: happy signings of papers for immediate and unequivocal dismantling of our nukes over repeated toasts of Kamchatka Vodka. Drinks to good health of Bush Administration and his Asian allies.
Tuesday: Light breakfast of Kimchi and Juche beer. Remind the US it is fanciful and dangerous dreaming to think we will give up our sole means of self-defense against the perfidious lies and war-scheming of Bush and his loathesome Asian puppets.
Wednesday: Show up not before half past noon. Offer delegates grass and bark for lunch – if it’s good enough for our peasants, it’s good enough for them. No beer. Adopt a more conciliatory tone. Ok, we re-sign papers. Fine. But only if US opens DMZ bases for free karaoke on Friday, Saturday night. Bring in stronger Stalin Lite beer. Toast to the good health of all present.
Thursday: Barge into meeting flanked with angry grimacing soldiers with fixed bayonets thrusting at pillows tied to armchairs. Tear up so-called “agreement” with pernicious imperialist dogs and monkey-faced lackeys, scream like martial-arts Hong Kong movie star about to fling the full furious justice of his legs upon the wretched face of his most hated enemy. Stamp out of meeting and slam door. Twice.
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