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“WMD hard to find, harder to say” – Bush.
By Justine Doody
President Bush today accounted for US troops’ continuing failure to locate alleged stockpiles of WMD in Iraq, attributing the lack of success to difficulties encountered by American soldiers in pronouncing the three letter acronym.
Expressing nostalgia for ‘good old American’ acronyms such as AIDS and MOAB, the President told reporters,
“You’d have to be an I-raqi or a Welsh, or something foreign, to say WMD. We gotta find the vowel before we can find the weapons.”
President Bush continued :
“Think about it, how’s it look when our great men and women in the US military knock on some I-raqi’s door and say, ‘Move it, move it ! Where are the w-uh... the w’m-uh... the w’m-de’ I mean, hey these arabs don’t even understand “ stop!” How they gonna know what w’m-de means ?”
Following the success of the USA PATRIOT act (‘Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism’), the Bush administration has taken steps to redesignate many global institutions with pithier, more pronouncable acronyms. Under the new system, British PM Tony Blair will be reclassified as the President’s personal ‘Liaison for International Affairs (Regional)’; the US President himself will be recognised as ‘Most Unimpeachable President of the Pan-american Empire and Tributaries’; while the UN will be ‘Danger Eliminated: Formerly UN, Now Consulting Thinktank’. No explanation has yet been provided for the derivation of the acronym now being used to designate the former dictator, Saddam Hussein: ALIVEANDWELLANDLIVINGINPONTYPRIDD.
See also : Secret reasons for Britain's space probe to the planet Mars
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