Bush Takes Vacation From Stressful Vacation, Relocates To Tree House Crawford, TX – President Bush's five-week vacation has not been as relaxing as he had hoped. Poor approval numbers, a growing anti-war movement started by Cindy Sheehan, and outrageous gas prices have created a perfect storm of stress for The President. Therefore he has apparently decided to take a vacation from his vacation.>>> Terrorists Jealous Planes Crashing Without Them Afghanistan – With passenger jets crashing in Peru, Venezuela, Greece, and Italy in the past two weeks, terrorists in several countries are apparently becoming agitated at being left out of the action. Each plane that went down clearly did so because of electronic or weather problems, and terrorist groups are feeling disheartened. >>> Bush Fights For Rights Of Terrorist Sleeper Stem Cells Crawford, TX – President Bush stated Monday that as soon as he gets back to Washington D.C. (April of '06) he will propose the Don't Murder Terrorist Sleeper Stem Cell Act, which will make it illegal for scientists or Homeland Security officials to kill or otherwise harm terrorist sleeper stem cells. >>> Pat Robertson Apologizes For Remarks, God Apologizes For Robertson Pat Robertson, host of Christian Broadcasting Network's "700 Club" was strongly criticized for remarks last week that the U.S. should assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Robertson first clarified his remarks, saying the U.S could simply kidnap Chavez, and later apologized for his statements altogether.>>> Hurricane Warning Issued In Florida Miami – Weather Officials have issued a state-wide warning that the much-battered Florida Panhandle may not be subjected to hurricanes for a few days. Residents have been told not to take tape off their windows and in fact keep them boarded up permanently if possible. "It's been horrible," Kitty McCallum told BIGfib. >>>
Gaza Settlers To Be Resettled In West Bank Tel Aviv – Beseiged Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon has promised hard-line members of his own Likud party that the settlers recently uprooted from Gaza will be resettled in choice Palestinian neighbourhoods in the West Bank.>>>
Mother Of Dead Sons Says Bush “Achieving Objectives” In Iraq Fort Dixon, USA – After meeting with President Bush over the weekend, Military Mom Denise Hollings, whose five sons were killed in the Iraq War, says that she is now reassured it was all worth it.>>>
By Lee Camp New York – After five months in a federal prison in West Virginia and six months wearing an electric ankle bracelet at a housing facility in Bedford, NY, Martha Stewart was released back into the wild this Sunday. The domestic diva often complained and acted out during her confinement, first gnawing at the ankle bracelet and then requesting a judge allow her to take it off. However, the request was denied after her handlers said they needed the bracelet in order to shock her when she got unruly, which was often. Stewart was released from a transport cage into the woods of northern Connecticut. Witnesses say that at first she looked confused and then elated as she scurried off into the distance, collecting boysenberries to be used in a delectable pie. She hasn't been spotted since, but some people in the region have found small crocheted items in the woods. Handlers worry Stewart may still make her way back to New York City where she could wreak further havoc on impressionable middle-aged soccer moms watching TV in the middle of the day, however a spokesman for Martha Stewart Living told BIGfib that reports of her misbehavior have been exaggerated. “Martha? Wild?” he said. “No, she’s not wild, she’s livid.
