Martha Stewart Released Back Into Wild
By Lee Camp
New York – After five months in a federal prison in West Virginia and six months wearing an electric ankle bracelet at a housing facility in Bedford, NY, Martha Stewart was released back into the wild this Sunday.
The domestic diva often complained and acted out during her confinement, first gnawing at the ankle bracelet and then requesting a judge allow her to take it off.
However, the request was denied after her handlers said they needed the bracelet in order to shock her when she got unruly, which was often.
Stewart was released from a transport cage into the woods of northern Connecticut. Witnesses say that at first she looked confused and then elated as she scurried off into the distance, collecting boysenberries to be used in a delectable pie.
She hasn't been spotted since, but some people in the region have found small crocheted items in the woods.
Handlers worry Stewart may still make her way back to New York City where she could wreak further havoc on impressionable middle-aged soccer moms watching TV in the middle of the day, however a spokesman for Martha Stewart Living told BIGfib that reports of her misbehavior have been exaggerated.
“Martha? Wild?” he said. “No, she’s not wild, she’s livid.”
