Canadians Turned Away At Celestial Customs Toronto - An Air France passenger jetliner carrying 309 people skidded off a runway and burst into flames Tuesday afternoon while landing in a dangerous thunderstorm - yet no one died in the crash. All 309 Canadians aboard the Airbus, returning from a vacation in France, survived the crash. People are claiming that this is nothing short of a miracle. >>> Nike VS Addidas. If The Shoe Fits, Then Stomp On It New York - Nike has stepped up and hit the ground running over Adidas’ acquisition of Reebok. The company warns that it may have to put its foot down and sue its upstart competitor. The suit however is not over Addidas’ bold move to give Nike a run for its money, but for the unrelenting string of awful journalistic puns this surprise step has generated so far. >>> Due To Poor Economy, Office Whores Put Out 23% Less This Quarter The AP is reporting that due to the sluggish economy in the U.S. along with high gasoline prices, office whores put out 23% less this past fiscal quarter. >>> To Replace Cindy Sheehan's Son, Bush Offers Her Karl Rove President Bush made an announcement Monday in Crawford, TX that he would offer his Whitehouse deputy chief of staff Karl Rove to Cindy Sheehan as a replacement for her son who died in the Iraq War. Sheehan has been camped outside the President's vacation ranch in Crawford for several weeks demanding to speak with Bush about his reasons for going to war. >>> Man Found Who Believes Iraq War Going Well A man was located in the hills of Tombstone, AZ who seems to believe that the war in Iraq is going well. Eddy Fenton, a 32 year-old who works part time in animal husbandry, says he thinks the Iraq War is going "darn well." Fenton stated that he believes it's been a success because America has achieved its stated objectives. When asked to list those objectives, Fenton quickly changed the subject. The self-proclaimed "yokel" admits that he does not own a television, a radio, or a computer and seldomly receives any sort of mail. >>>
Al-Qaeda Threatens North Korea With Stuff Much Worse Islamabad - In a videotape aired yesterday by Al Jazeera, the No. 2 Al Qaeda leader, Dr. Big Al Zawahiri was seen launching a tirade against North Korea, for the first time, adding them to the organisation’s list of infidel nations.>>>
By Lee Camp In a move which has the tabloids on a feeding frenzy, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have announced they plan to adopt Jennifer Aniston as their third child. This move shocked even the closest friends of the three stars seeing as Pitt and Aniston were married for four years before Pitt ended it to be with actress Angelina Jolie. Jolie, who recently adopted her second child, clearly has a passion for adopting desperate and abandoned children. When asked about the situation, Jolie said, "Jenny is a beautiful human being, and she's been left behind by her loved ones. She really has nowhere to go, and Brad and I want a large, diverse family. Nothing would make our family more multicultural than the addition of a 36 year-old wealthy white divorcee. I'm certain my Cambodian son and Ethiopian daughter will welcome her with open arms." There are also reports that Pitt and Jolie will rename Aniston "Ayanna," which means "beautiful flower" in Swahili.
Washington: A recent study suggests that feelings of happiness relate directly to how “alive” people feel.