Countless Reporters Go Into Post-Jackson-Case Depression By Lee Camp RRecent data shows that nearly half of all reporters around the globe have fallen into Post-Jackson-Case Depression (PJCD) because of the end of the nearly year-long progression of Michael Jackson's child molestation case.
The symptoms of the disorder are unenthusiastic reporting, slipping Michael Jackson facts into unrelated news reports, an apathy for world events, and hiring children to attempt to lure Jackson into new molestation charges. Many reporters have feelings of loneliness and uselessness. They often find themselves softly singing some of Jackson's songs or incessantly saying the word "Tito."
Doctors consulted about the matter have said that we should all do our part to help out our reporter friends. If you know a reporter with PJCD, begin by showing them that there are plenty of other child molestation cases going on around the world. Next remind them that Michael will almost definitely do something freakish and news worthy within the next two weeks. Finally make sure they're not allowed near any parasols, white gloves, Ferris wheels, or monkeys. If their PJCD does not start to clear up after a few days, doctors say assisted suicide should be considered.
