George W. Vader? Many are claiming that in the final installment of "Star Wars," George Lucas draws parallels between Darth Vader and President Bush. These similarities are made clear when in the movie when Vader says, "You're either with me or you're my enemy." >>> Backstreet Boys: Back On Top Of The Hate Charts In recent weeks The Backstreet Boys have made a major comeback in terms of how many people hate them. During their five year hiatus, they dropped all the way to number 33 on the list of most hated musicians, beating out even Vanilla Ice. >>> Global Warming Good For Bathing Suit Sales Reports surfaced today showing Philip Cooney, chief of staff of the White House Council on Environmental Quality, altered scientific reports on global warming to make global warming sound less significant than it is. The White House says it can't believe that a former lobbyist for the American Petroleum Institute would be biased in terms of global warming. >>> Bush Determined To Disassemble The English Language At a recent press conference President Bush said, "Al Qaeda has been trained to 'disassemble,' which means 'to lie'." A reporter from The New York Times soon thereafter pointed out that in reality "disassemble" means "to take apart," and there is no proof that Al Qaeda is training its members to take anything apart. >>> Chirac and Schroeder React To Poll Defeat France's Jacques Chirac and Germany's Gerard Schroeder, were yesterday drawing the necessary conclusions from their stinging poll defeats."The French have spoken today," Chirac told journalists from France's TF1, "And the message from the 60 percent of the population who have rejected the EU consitution is clear. The UK Budget rebate must go." >>>
President Bush defended his administration's respect for the Koran yesterday. "We would never disrespect such an incredibly sacred and important document," he said as he wiped his ass with the U.S. Constitution. He continued, "The Koran is a special document that has guided certain groups of people for hundreds of years. My administration and the military we head would never flush the Koran down a toilet. In fact we don't even touch it without wearing gloves to protect the pages." Bush then used the Bill of Rights portion of the U.S. Constitution to clean up a pile that his dog Barnie had deposited next to him. Although more information is coming out showing that Bush was lying and the Koran has been mistreated on several occasions, Muslims can take comfort in the understanding that the Bush administration has no respect for nearly any sacred documents. In fact Bush's personal toilet has been chiseled out of one of the oldest tablets displaying the ten commandments. Many groups have even come to the conclusion that unless their founding documents have been used to wipe Bush's ass, then they don't say anything important, meaningful, and sacred. >>>
