The three major parties this week launched their manifestos for the upcoming UK general election.

New Labour published a little red book containing the party’s third term program, notably, better schools, better hospitals, a better deal for the poor, the middle classes and the rich, a better deal for retired and non-retired citizens, and better school dinners for everyone else. Finally, in a personal message, Tony Blair promises the UK electorate, that he himself will be better behaved. He also promises to try not to start any new wars.

The Conservative manifesto concentrates on the threat of imminent massive immigration to the UK by foreigners, and Conservative plans to surround the country with barbed wire in order to keep them out. Uniquely, Michael Howard, the opposition leader is unable to use a computer, which is the reason that the Conservative manifesto is hand written.
He is also rumoured to be illiterate, which is the reason it was hand written by his five year old daughter.

Charles Kennedy’s Liberal party manifesto is the only document of the three to be printed on recycled and recyclable paper. Charles Kennedy told BIGfib: “It’s plain to see that we have no desire of any kind to win this election, so our main objective was to ensure that our - admittedly pointless - manifesto could be binned with ease without fear of harming the environment.