American Idol Recount Declares Bush Winner, Just Like Every Recount LOS ANGELES, CA – Wednesday night there was an error in the vote counting for the popular television show American Idol. In order to remedy the problem, FOX held another round in which the same performers got a second chance and a recount of the vote. >>> Congress Refuses To Hold Session On Feeding Tube For Starving WASHINGTON DC – Congress held a special session this past Tuesday in order to vote on reinserting the feeding tube of Terri Shaivo, who has been in a persistent vegetative state for fifteen years. Despite taking such actions, Congress then refused to hold a vote on creating a feeding tube for America's millions of poor, homeless, and starving. >>> Israel Invents Wheelie-Homes Israel today confirmed plans to build 3,500 new housing units on roller skates. These wheelie homes will be pushed around from Jewish settlement to Jewish settlement. >>> Senate Votes to Protect Oil Drilling Wildlife WASHINGTON - A closely divided Senate voted Wednesday to approve setting up an oil drilling refuge in Alaska where oilmen could go wild. This is a major victory for President Bush and a stinging defeat for environmentalists who have fought for decades to exterminate the endangered oil drilling species. >>> Bush Nominates Guy Wearing 'F**k the UN!' Tee Shirt to Head UN WASHINGTON DC – Few are surprised by President Bush's choice Wednesday to nominate that guy wearing the "F**k the UN!" tee shirt to head the United Nations. >>> Palestinians Set Off Masturbatory Fireworks GAZA STRIP, ISRAEL – Due to a temporary truce between the Palestinians and Israel, many Palestinians have grown frustrated with the lack of explosive relations taking place. >>> Crisis At Ridgemont High Scarsdale, NY – Education officials at Scarsdale, NY’s Ridgemont High are concerned their students are falling behind other schools nationwide in overall GPA scores (Gun/Pistol Attacks). >>>
Following the unsudden death of pope John Paul II, Catholics the world over can barely breathe with anticipation. Talk is of little else but the choice of the future pope. "Non Catholics don't realise just how important the pope’s role is..." Cardinal Ramsbottom of Liverpool told BIGfib. "The pope says condoms are out... The trash is going to be filled with condoms. If he declares a particular sexual position preferable well that's the one everyone's gonna be doing. If he says gay if bad, then there's going to be a rush of hairdressers and graphic designers looking for wives... One really can't underestimate the power this guy has." BIGfib asked churchgoers leaving Liverpool’s St Anne Catholic church just what they were hoping for from the new pope. "I think condoms are a big issue..." Mrs Mary Peterson told BIGfib. "I mean my husband and me we've got seventeen children already, we don't want anymore, so I'm hoping that he's going to OK condoms or the pill or some other solution... We need some new thought in this church..." Her friend Doris Delaney agrees. "Burt and I have nine kids and we definitely need something new..." "Even if he doesn't say anything about condoms as such, all the wives here are at least hoping for an explicit condemnation of anal sex... Most of us just can't take it up there anymore.">>>
Tee Shirt to Head UN
