Tony Blair has been given two months to address shortfalls in the evidence it provides on Iraq's weapons by answering four questions.
The Commons foreign affairs select committee this week set a potential trap for the government by demanding that ministers come up with answers on the four biggest weaknesses in the government's September "dodgy" dossier, which supposedly was based on intelligence provided by the secret services.
They have however made a small effort by providing the Prime Minister with and exam over two weeks per question to think about his answers. The four questions. Many feared that the labour dominated committee would exonerate the government and the four questions are surprising in their directness.
Question 1. "Where the fuck are the supposed Weapons of Mass destruction which you used as a justification for British involvement in the war against Iraq?" Question 2. "Considering the inability to find any WMD, were you entirely wrong or are you an utter liar who provoked a war pointlessly and with no respect for human life or the democratic process?" Question 3. "What would you like to say to the families of the dead and injured resulting from your actions?" Question 4. "Will you now resign?"
In an exclusive leak BIGfib has already obtained the answer-sheet against which the committee will be comparing PM Blair's answers in an attempt to detect possible lying.
The suggested correct answers to the four questions are:
Q1. "Of course they don't exist."
Q2. "An utter liar."
Q3. "Sorry."
Q4. "Yes."
However intelligence sources close to the PM doubt that he will make the grade.
John Baffle of IQ systems, the UK's leading IQ test specialist told BIGfib "By using a psycho-dialectic analysis of Prime Minister Blair's speeches, one can predict that he will almost certainly miss the complete simplicity of the required answers... Feeding Mr Blair's profile into our IQ-responder program we obtain the following replies which statistically have a ninety percent chance of corresponding with the prime ministers final answers.
Q1. "They have not yet been found."
Q2. "I have always been completely honest. I believed and still believe that they exist."
Q3. "Thank you for your sacrifice."
Q4. "Absolutely not."
"Now these are obviously false, and generally speaking would only be proffered by someone of an extremely low IQ, someone suffering from delirium, or, of course, a professional politician."
