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Blair Gets Specific - UK Election Campaign Begins
By Lolo Laroche
 Tony Blair triggered a three and a half month election campaign yesterday by unveiling Labour's six key election pledges on a six-city helicopter tour of England.
The early unveiling of the pledges is designed to persuade a disengaged electorate that the coming campaign represents an important choice between Labour and the Conservatives.
"The pledges are designed to be specific enough that people can really see what difference Labour will make," Blair told BIGfib's Lolo Laroche.
"Where other parties are making vague promises, labour has gotten specific, we're announcing our real colours to the world and we will be judged on it."
Blair continued, "I have a relationship with the British people, and it's a relationship the voters have to decide upon, decide if they want it to continue. So I'm not offering a vague, 'honey, i'll be better', I'm saying, 'honey, stay with me, give me your trust, and I will screw you every day.'
Labours Electoral Pledges :
- More money for everyone
Labour believes that everyone should have more money and less debt, so Labour proposes dropping not only Africa’s debts but everyone elses too.
- Clever children for all
Children will become cleverer under Labour, even if this means a eugenic program to remove stupid parents from the gene pool.
- Bad guys bombed to buggery
Labour will never bomb the good guys - you know that. But the evil Islamic satanists shall have no hiding place. Trust Tony.
- Special Treats for every family
Under Labour families will get better treats. Some may get jelly trifles or snicker bars, richer families may get Audi A3s or houses in the Med’, but everyone will get something.
- A wall of barbed wire around Britain.
A wall of barbed wire will be built around Britain's beaches effectively keeping the bad guys out and the good guys in — hell, it’s worked wonders in Israel.
- Less naughty people in the community
What with the bombs and the barbed wire, there will be less bad people in the community and crime will come down. Labour guarantees that even if it doesn’t we will invent new processes and accounting procedures to ensure that crime figures, at least, will.
What do you think?? Tell us your views here!
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