Issue 35, Tues Jan 3rd 2005

Procter & Gamble's No-Sex Patch Needs More Study, Says FDA
By Alan Lord and Lolo Laroche.

Dec. 2 Washington - Procter & Gamble Co., the biggest U.S. maker of consumer goods, needs to conduct more research to win approval of its no-sex patch, an FDA panel said.

The patches, which supply huge doses of Oestrogen to men or Testosterone to women, suppress all desire for sex the makers claim.

Side effects, which are said to include anger, heart disease, death, inappropriate hair-growth and loss, induced hermaphrodism - the growth of both male and female sex organs – and death, are a worry, but the White House issued a statement saying President Bush was keen for trials to continue and is elated at the prospect of finally being able to kill several birds with one stone.

The patch he believes, could simultaneously solve the issues of teen promiscuity, the spread of AIDS, homosexuality, frustrated housewife revolt, and churchmen’s naughty dilly-dallyings.


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