Cheney's Heart Problems Solved Vice President Dick Cheney, who has been plagued by heart problems for over 25 years, underwent tests at a hospital here on Saturday after complaining of shortness of breath. He went home after three hours, with doctors publicly saying only that the problems have been "solved". "He's fine," said Mary Matalin, an adviser to Mr. Cheney. He left the hospital shortly before 4:30 p.m. While there, he was subject to a battery of tests to determine if his the problem was heart related. Privately, under condition of anonymity Dr. Reiner told BIGfib's Lolo Laroche that in fact Mr. Cheney was suffering not from heart problems per-se but from the fact that he actually has no heart. >>> Rice "In line" to Replace Colin Powell Rice's nomination could be announced as early as Tuesday. It would be a historic move: Rice, who turned 50 on Sunday, would be the first black woman, and only the second woman ever, tapped to be the nation's top diplomat. A modern-day renaissance woman who traded the stately halls of Stanford University for the political swirl of Washington, Rice became one of Bush's most trusted wartime advisers. >>> Blair Happy To Host Pentagon Death Star The latest international treaty to fall victim to the post-election frenzy is the 1967 treaty banning weapons from space. US President George W. Bush says "all options are on the table" for making sure rogue nations stay in line, including a planned “Death Star” to be placed in permanent orbit around the Earth before the end of his term. Further precisions by the President were rendered inaudible due to heavy breathing in his Darth Vader mask, however a tired Tony Blair returning from a Trans Atlantic trip told BIGfib's Lolo Laroche that he thinks a death star, which would threaten anyone who doesn't agree with America with the death of all life on earth, is a "Jolly God Idea, sorry, Jolly Good Idea." >>>
President Bush yesterday flew into the recently liberated Fallujah to declare the end of major combat operations. Beneath the same sign used after the liberation of Bagdad on May 1st, the President, wearing a green flight suit and holding a white helmet, got off the plane, saluted those on the flight deck and shook hands with them. Above him, the huge sign already familiar to many read, "Mission Accomplished." Most of the insurgents present in Fallujah are thought to have fled the city and are responsible for the endless series of attacks in recent days in Bagdad, Ramadi, and Samarra. Once Fallujah has been "cleaned" street by street and US forces are certain there are no insurgents left in the city it is thought that major operations to liberate the towns of Ramadi and Samarra will be ordered. >>>
