Election Special 30, Weds Nov 3rd 2004
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Exodus of US Gay Population Expected
Following yesterdays US election, Europe is bracing itself for a pink exodus from over the Atlantic.
It turns out that the motivating factor for an estimated 20 million Evangelical Christian voters was the presence on the ballot of a simultaneous vote to ban Gay marriage.
It is expected that over 15 million gay US citizens will emigrate to Europe over the next few years, Steven Pink an analyst with BigBoy data told BIGfib.
"As long as they all look like the guys in queer as folk I can't see anyone complaining".
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World asks Democrat voters to wear badges
World leaders have asked Democrat voters not to throw away their Kerry/Edwards badges in order to avoid the massive discrimination expected against all US citizens worldwide.
"Until this election, peoples distaste was aimed at George Bush" political analyst Gerald Aurdian told BIGfib.
"People knew that Bush was elected with less than half of the vote, so they didn't really blame the American people."
"However, now that it transpires that a majority of Americans do support these policies of hatred, arrogance and war I think there is going to be a huge backlash."
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Evangelical Christians now the Biggest Danger to World Peace
Evangelical Christians are now a greater threat to world peace than Muslim terrorists, or so says the Swedish Peace institute (SPI).
BIGfib's Lolo Laroche flew to Stockholm yesterday to speak to Benny Ulveus, ex ABBA songwriter and current director of the SPI.
"George BUSH has been the worst president the USA has ever seen. His only motivation has been Money Money Money.”
“Now that the American people have had this guy Kerry offering an alternative, and saying Take A Chance On Me, we need to look at why the majority of Americans have rejected it and let an opportunity for a fresh start Slip Through Their Fingers."
"The answer is the Evangelical Christian movement, and the influence they have had on the US vote."
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Republicans confused about Ballot Obsession
Republican leaders were this morning expressing confusion as to why the Democrat leaders are obsessing about the provisional ballots in Ohio.
"The provisional ballots put simply, are the ballots whose validity have been put into question by the 3000 legal challengers we placed in every black neighborhood of Ohio." Bush aide Nicolle Devenish told BIGfib.
"The fact that these ballots are provisional only because the voters were black, and only because they were challenged by Republican challengers is no reason to assume that they might be votes for Kerry. They're just as likely to be votes for George W. Bush."
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America fails IQ test

A Voter Who Failed Yesterday's Test

The world's most powerful nation yesterday failed the largest IQ test ever to have been administered to a group of people.
Over 120 million people simultaneously took part in the intelligence test across the USA.
The results have astounded world analysts, revealing that over 50 percent of those taking part have an IQ below 50 points. (A mongoose has an IQ of 43)
The test, which asked people to choose which of two men best represented the universal ideals of peace, freedom and prosperity was calculated to require only an IQ of over 50 in order to find the correct answer.
The test proposed one candidate as a draft dodger who had created the biggest budget deficit in history, reduced personal liberties and declared war twice over the previous four years. The second candidate was presented as a successful politician who had fought in a previous war, actively campaigned to end it, promised to get the budget deficit under control and restore personal freedoms, and build international relationships to avoid future conflicts.
The impact of the result - that over 50 percent of those tested, incorrectly chose the first candidate, may have long running repercussions as the world considers revoking America's driving license.*


*World driving licenses require a minimum IQ of 50 as the minimum required to avoid dangerous decisions, which could cause worldwide havoc.










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