UKIP solves Korean loudspeaker problem When North and South Korea yesterday unplugged the huge loudspeaker systems that have been hurling propaganda messages across the border for the past fifty years, the problem of what to do with the now redundant powerful equipment had not yet been solved. >>> Sharon Enters World-Class Ariel Sharon’s status as a world leader was unexpectedly confirmed yesterday when the Attorny general pronounced a definitive ruling on the long running bribery scandal involving Mr Sharon. >>> Bush says Saddam "must stand trial" President Bush this week confirmed that his administration is making plans for the transfer of Saddam Hussein to the new Iraqi government “in a timely and secure way.” “We’re working to make sure that there is sufficient security,” he told reporters. >>> England Dominate France in Euro 2004 The English side drew with France yesterday during the Euro 2004 play offs. The English side played a strong game dominating the field from the start to the very end of the game over a weak and badly organised Froggy team.>>> Consumpton of Vegetables To Rocket Thanks to moves by the US Department of Agriculture, US consumption of fresh vegetables is due to rocket in 2004. The Department of Agriculture has been anxiously looking for ways to boost consumption of fresh vegetables within the US population which nutritionists say is far too reliant on junk food.>>> Mystery Speed-Camera Deaths After analysing the road accident statistics around Britain’s 5200 speed cameras, the UK government yesterday announced the launch of a research program in an attempt to explain the patchy results.>>> Vatican Says Inquisition Wasn’t So Bad The Vatican said Tuesday that far fewer witches were burned at the stake, and far fewer heretics were tortured during the inquisition than previously thought. >>>
Tony Blair, who famously claimed to possess “no reverse gear” yesterday signalled that he has not yet explored all of the possibilities offered by his gearbox. Commenting the unprecedented losses his party suffered in last weeks local and European elections, the UK Prime Minister refuted the idea that this was in any way a sign of public discontent with New Labour policy. Terrified British passengers in the Blair bus immediately started wondering in hushed tones whether the phrase reveals that Mr Blair’s bus has other problems besides the lack of a reverse gear, which alone would be useful as the bus thunders into the Cul-de-Sac called Iraq. The prime minister’s comment that “Now is not a time for a change of direction but it is the time for a change of gear.”resulted in an immediate flurry of terrified rumours that Mr Blair’s bus may also lack a steering wheel. Political commentators believe that the Prime Minister's strategy of moving up a gear may in fact be a cynical attempt to disguise the lack of steering capability by increasing the vehicle’s speed to a point where no-one can actually focus on it enough to see where it is going.
