The government was today responding to a report into the deaths of four trainee soldiers at the Deepcut barracks amid renewed calls for a public inquiry.

Adam Ingram, the armed forces minister, told BIGfib that the government had no intention of launching an inquiry into the four soldiers deaths; the official explanation is that they killed themselves.

“People don’t seem to believe the suicide explanation, and I can understand that,” he told BIGfib.
“But if people new just how hard the training of our soldiers is I think they would realize that a few suicides here or there are only par for the course.”
It is expected that the Mr Ingram will today try to quench criticism of his government by revealing that the soldiers killed themselves “quite logically” during a standard army course on interrogating prisoners. During the course, soldiers are required to beat, strip, rape, pile up in naked pyramids, and set rabid dogs on their victims.
“Some of the weedier elements of the armed forces are always a little upset during the interrogation courses,” Sergeant major James Mcdougall told BIGfib. “

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