No child to be taken from behind - Bush
In a speech reminiscent of his “No child be left behind” pledge George W bush yesterday told American citizens that no child should be taken from behind. >>>.

Children to know wanker fathers.
Children born as a result of fertility treatment using sperm donated by men who have wanked into a plastic pot will in years to come have the right to discover the identity of their wanker parents once they reach 18, the government ruled yesterday. >>>

France: All pupils must grow half-beards
The ministerial committee convened by the French government to resolve the issue of whether students should be able to wear Islamic headscarves in schools has today pubished a series of recommendations. >>>

Bush Tracks Down September 11th Mastermind.
In his State of the Union address on Tuesday, President Bush revealed that the search for the culprit of 9/11 was over, contrary to earlier reports, new intelligence suggested that the terrorist attack was planned and supervised by Massachusetts Senator John Kerry. . >>>

Garfunkel "feeling groovy" despite marijuana charges.
Art Garfunkel, of duo Simon and Garfunkel was yesterday charged with marijuana possession.

Garfunkel, 62, had a small amount of marijuana in his jacket pocket when a state trooper stopped the limo Saturday afternoon in Hurley, 55 miles southwest of Albany, the Daily Freeman of Kingston reported. >>>

Photos sent back to earth by the American “Spirit” vehicle which landed on Mars two weeks ago, have astounded scientists the world over.

The photos intended simply to show the landing nest which the rover has now left contain a huge scientific surprise in the top right corner: an explanation for the disappearance of the European Beagle II space probe lost last month, alien abduction.

Commenting the photos, Professor Pillinger, head of PSSRI at The Open University and leader of the Beagle 2 mission told BIGfib “These photos are astounding and thrilling in that they reveal something we only ever imagined possible: That the Martians have stolen Beagle 2 for their own uses.
Our initial photographic enhancements suggest that they’re using it as a barbecue.”
He described this as “Logical.”
“The temperature on Mars varies between 5 and –15°C”.