ISSUE Number 1 • Friday May 30th, 2003  
FRANCE: Chirac to sport “Saddam” moustache.

In his latest attempt to woo the Arab world France’s president Jacques Chirac has grown a Saddham-style moustache.
The new sultry middle-eastern look came after weeks of consultations with his Image team.
Jacques was unavailable for comment but Dominique de Villepin, France’s foreign minister explained “It’s really a very simple gesture of solidarity with the Arab world against agressors whoever they might be.” >>>

UK: Passionate Battle Rages over British Euro entry.

Speaking to a number of MP’s in the British houses of parliament, Gordon Brown, Britains chancellor made an impassioned plea that the time may or may not soon be right for Euro entry. >>>

America will find and punish suicide bombers - Rumsfeld

Donald Rumsfeld told press today that America would stop at nothing to find the suicide bombers responsable for the spate of suicide attacks in Saudi Arabia last week.

“We will look for them, we will find them, we will punish them.” said Rumsfeld.
He went on to say that no expense would be spared. “The CIA already has an open remit... They know how to find these people and they will do so...”
Asked why he thought these latest terrorists would be easier to find than Osama Bina Laden and Saddam Hussein an angry Rumsfeld insisted that CIA agents are “hot on the heals of “Saddam Bin Laden”. “We will catch him, erh, as well as the other one.” He insisted.
He added that current Intelligence indicates that those responsable for detonating the Saudi attacks are still “Pretty much around the scene of the crime.”

PARIS - “Government will not cave in to minority demands...” - J.P.Raffarin. >>>

US - September probable for next Operation Freedom - Powel. >>>

EC - Road widening “Urgent according to European Car Manufacturers Assoc. >>>

ARTS - Jackson sets record and nose straight and talks exlusively to BIGfib about cosmetic surgery. >>>




Glaxo-Smith-Kline-Beecham becomes “GSK”, Chairman’s pay deal refused.

With an eye to future mergers Glaxo-Smith-Kline-Beecham, who through seventy years of aquisition and merger have become the world’s largest drugs-company has decided to change it’s name again, this time to “Glaxo-Smith-Kline” or “GSK”. >>>

Madonna Fans in "Shock and Awe".

Madonna fans are in a state of Shock and Awe at the sheer unbridled creativity of the star’s latest album “American life”. >>>

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